Setting up Boys to go to Jail for Beating their Future Wives

The teaching of husband authority encourages husbands to abuse their wives verbally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, and any other way. When boys are taught that they will have authority in their homes, and they see the authority that 25% to 50% of the men in their group wield, they look forward to the time when they are no longer controlled by their parents, but they can make the rules they want for themselves. When again and again they hear women being told to submit joyfully to their husbands, to subject themselves and set aside their wishes in order to serve their husbands, but do not hear the same weight of loving, yielding, and sacrificing taught to men, they arrive at their weddings expecting their wives to be their servants who will give them whatever the husbands want. When this expectation is in place, and the only teaching against this is to not hit one's wife, and wives are both blamed for being abused (Bruce Ware), and told to endure the abuse for a season (John Piper), the young men begin their marriages believing all other means of manipulation, domination, power and control of their wives are legal and biblical. Thus many of them begin their marriages throwing their weight around, doing whatever it takes short of hitting their wives to get what they want. They gripe and complain and put their wives down, which is non-physical assault. They mistakenly think when they choke their wives, shove them against the wall and pin them there, kick them, block them, elbow them, rape them, etc, that these are not physical violence or a crime. It is a very tiny step between these methods of abuse and hitting or beating one's wife. Since those who violate their wives both intensify the violence and speed up how suddenly and swiftly they assault their wives, and also grow in disrespect for their wives, they have less and less time to reconsider and stop the thinking that is causing them to attack their wives, as well as less and less motivation to stop themselves from the pleasure they receive when they rip her to shreds, whether verbally/emotionally, physically, spiritually, or both.

When so-called Christian doctrine ignores the actual biblical commands to husbands to sacrifice for and love their wives, which is a form of submission, and instead focus on controlling their wives, they are allowing the leaven of sin into their lives. That sin grows like leaven in the individual and he has no idea it is his belief and not the frustration of the moment or any action of his wife that caused him to assault her.

The sin also grows in the church body. Unless checked with jail time and other deterents, more and more males pick up the thought pattern and belief system that leads men to assault their wives, either physically or non-physically. It is this sin of lording it over, of disregarding the commandments of the Lord—both things the Gentiles do—that causes the downfall of the church.

"Sin will take you further than you want to go..."

Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge," a novel about a wife who discovers traditional marriage advice doesn't always work. See www.wanetadawn.com

Fireproof, Part 5, Making Sin Funny

Another theme throughout the Fireproof movie that troubles me is when Caleb takes his anger out on the garbage can. This is minimized by making it funny because the neighbor catches him in the act. The truth is Caleb’s physical violence on the garbage can is a warning sign that he is dangerous and could turn that violence on his wife. In fact, when he screams in her face, he IS using violence against her.

Further, if lusting after a woman is committing adultery in one’s heart, then beating a garbage can, with which you are not angry, instead of beating your wife with whom you are angry, is the same as beating your wife in your heart. Caleb’s dad does make this point, but it was not put together with slugging the garbage can. I John 3:15 says “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” Caleb’s screaming in his wife’s face until he induced her to fear and provoked her to tears also show hatred in his heart, which John says is murder.

It is no wonder emotional/verbal abuse so frequently escalates into physical violence, and far too often ends in murder. It is because murder was in the heart in that initial verbal assault. Indeed, beating the garbage can with a baseball bat, kicking the dog, putting a fist through the wall, and etc. all suggest the person has murder in his heart.

Neither the act, nor the embarrassment for being caught in the act is a laughing matter. It’s not just weird. It’s not comedy. It’s a warning sign that a dangerous and violent man lives next door. In fact, if a neighbor who witnesses that behavior would guess that the man is abusing his wife, 95% of the time he would be correct.

If he is a mature man, as John Piper defines masculine maturity in “Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood," he would also take steps to protect his neighbor’s wife by calling the police. Her very life may depend on her neighbor’s report. The neighbor would also use the experience as a reminder to research domestic violence and use that knowledge to help him (and perhaps his family) develop a relationship with his neighbor(s) that will permit him to influence his neighbor to develop respectful and caring attitudes toward women. That action would have the likely side effect of strengthening the neighbor’s wife’s inner sense that her husband is indeed out of line, that he has broken the marriage covenant, and that she needs to be firm in requiring respect and cherishing from her husband.


Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com