Friday, January 22, 2010

Submission Tyranny begets Sinful Generations

Submission Tyranny frequently attacks children as well as their mothers. When males are told they are the authority in the household, and they choose to misuse that authority, the children fall prey to the male notion of male supremacy. Bible passages that teach children of abusive males to obey their parents bring forth intense fear of their fathers, but a wide range of emotions toward their mothers, including contempt, distrust, anger, close bonding, and love. Their reaction toward their mothers is largely dependant upon the actions, teaching, comments, and example of their fathers as well as the statements and teaching of their church leaders.

Children who attend complementarian churches that stress the authority of males, often end up with no recourse, no safety and no one to turn to when they have harsh, demanding, and impossible-to-please fathers. Some of them turn to their mothers for help, but when the mothers are also held in bondage by their church leadership, they are unable to do much beyond lend a sympathetic ear.

These children, with the help of church leaders and their fathers, are likely to understand Ephesians 6:1-4 something like this:
children obey your fathers in the Lord, no matter what: for this is right. This is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth instead of getting zapped by God.

Honor your mothers every Mother’s Day, unless your father tells you not to.

And ye mothers, do not provoke your children to rebel against their fathers: but when they come to you for sympathy, tell them to obey and subject themselves to the harsh demands of their fathers, for their fathers are attempting to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Children with this teaching, grow up with an erroneous view of God. They think of God as an angry, punishing being, similar to their own fathers.

When these children reach adulthood, many of them, especially boys, tend to copy their dads and take the authority teaching, which gives males permission to abuse, to the next generation. Many girls from these male-authority homes go into their own marriages with no self-esteem and expect to be doormats for their own husbands. Children who make these choices frequently stay in their male-authority churches.

Conversely, some children decide God is a tyrant and they want nothing to do with him or with the church and its tyrant leaders. Still other children decide the tyranny is the result of organized religion, and choose to maintain a close relationship with God, but divorce themselves from any and all churches.

Sadly, it is very difficult for children from male-authoritarian homes to figure out how to have loving, respectful marriages. As a pastor said to me, when people date, they have many role models to choose from. But after they marry, and things happen, their knee-jerk reaction tends toward copying the actions and reactions they saw over and over from their same-sex parent.

Thus, the current male-authority teachers, who all too frequently excuse abusers, are birthing and training the next generation to become wife and child abusers. By refusing to allow wives and children to leave their abusers, and by punishing them if they do leave, these male-authority teachers end up teaching children that domestic abuse is acceptable to God. That generation will practice domestic abuse in their homes and train the next generation to practice it, too. And on and on, generation after generation.

When are churches going to stop insisting that the sin of abuse will beget righteousness? When are they going to stop insisting that wife submission is the glue that holds marriages together? When are they going to stop insisting that "husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church" means husbands must have authority over their wives? And when are they going to stop training the next generations to be wife abusers and beaters?

Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Husband, Give yourself up for your Wife

Biblical teaching demolishes current complementarian interpretation concerning the husband being the “head of the wife.” Instead of stating that a husband is to be the authority over his wife, the Bible states the opposite. It is the reasoning of man that imposes an authority definition upon the words “head” and “submit.”

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

Just how much giving of himself is a husband to do? He is to do it “even as” Christ loved and gave himself for the church. Strong’s #2531 says this is
just (or inasmuch) as, that:—according to, (according, even) as, how, when.
So husbands are to love and give themselves for their wives “just as,” “according to," “according as,” “even as,” “how,” “inasmuch as,” Christ loved and gave himself for the church. Notice that the passage does not say a husband is to be an authority over his wife as Christ was and is over the church. That side of Christ’s job description is not mentioned at all in relation of husbands to wives. Instead loving and giving are the focus. Those are the specific ways that husbands are to be toward their wives.

Now that we know that husbands are to love and give themselves up like Jesus did, what does it mean to give oneself up? According to Strong’s # 3860, give, "paradidomi," means
to surrender, i.e. yield up, intrust, transmit:—betray, bring forth, cast, commit, deliver (up), give (over, up) hazard, put in prison, recommend.
So a husband is to surrender himself, yield up himself, intrust himself to his wife, transmit himself (I get the idea of transmitting himself into the power of another like Saul transmitted Christians to the government and to prison and death—namely he is to transmit himself to his wife), betray himself, bring forth himself, cast himself, commit himself, deliver up himself, give over or give up himself, put himself in prison, put himself in hazard, recommend himself (as giving himself over.)

I fail to see any authority in this whatsoever, except the authority he has over himself, with which he gives himself up for his wife.

This surrendering to the point of betraying, imprisoning and putting himself in hazard, is beyond submission. This is more like submitting “no matter what,” like submitting even to the betraying of himself, the imprisoning of himself, and to putting himself in a hazardous position.

This surrender and committing of self has nothing to do with demanding submission from his wife, or with demanding submission from all wives to their husbands in general, or even in teaching wifely submission. It is beyond selflessness toward his wife.

It is literally laying down his life for his wife. It brings to mind Romans 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren…that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice.” It is literally when husband and wife disagree, the husband is to choose his wife’s preference instead of his own. He is to lay down what is in his own best interests and instead do and aim for what will benefit his wife.

Even if the complementarians are right, and a husband’s position of “head” gives him the right to make the final decision, scripture commands that he give up his will and his way in favor of his wife’s will, way, and intuition, and in favor of her benefit. This is the position most complementarians, along with men of the world, would consider as wimpy or passive.

But the Bible considers this kind of behavior as active. It is active love and consideration of another above one’s own self. It is a love so deep it cares for the other more than it cares for oneself. It is what makes a boy a man.

Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit

Monday, January 4, 2010

Buy One, Get One Free

Happy New Year everyone! I hope each of you will be able to make progress as you work toward whatever goals God has set before you.

One of my goals is to get my novel, “Behind the Hedge,” to more people.
Perhaps you already have a copy, or have had the novel on your wish list.
Well, this is your chance to not only have a copy for yourself, but to also have one to give to an individual (or two) or to a church or library, or to your local women’s shelter.

Thus, for a limited time, I am offering my novel at a buy one, get one free rate. (Amazon currently offers it at $14.07.) Copy and paste this link into your browser, send $12.00 to my PO Box, and request the buy one, get one free offer, and if you are in the continental US, I will send you two “Behind the Hedge” paperbacks. Since I check my po box irregularly, alerting me via my “contact us” page will help you get your books sooner.

Don’t forget to tell me who to sign the book(s) to, whether you want a signature only, or a note as well. Feel free to share a little about yourself and your situation, or the situation of the person you want to give a book to.

If you live outside the continental US, and would like to take advantage of this offer, contact me, and I will research what I can do for you.

~Waneta Dawn

Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit