Introduction, Who or What is responsible for the destruction of the family?

Many pastors and powerful men declare that the break down of families began with the rise of feminism, specifically when women started going to work outside the home. A number of groups have arisen to push women to stay home and submit to their husbands. Educated Christian women are pushing this viewpoint, getting up in front of crowds to tell women how detrimental the women’s movement is, when they themselves are profiting from the movement and are unlikely to stop their careers and limit themselves to the sphere(s) they are insisting are the only biblical choices for women. The anger and blame toward career women and toward women who point out how scripture is being twisted so that all the responsibility for submitting is placed on wives and none on husbands is becoming ever more loud, insistent, and belittling. For example, Take the following comment from Anonymous, who replied to my “Hijacked Christianity” post:

you take away and add to scripture, you are aligned with satan and must seek forgivenness, for women are to be submissive to man and man treat women like Christ treats the church, this is why your evil feminist perspective is part of the destruction of the family and you are in great delusion or are a planted wolf, i shake the dust from my feet and rebuke you. May Jesus forgive you.

The writer apparently assumes that husbands are already “treating their wives as Christ treats the church,” and that it is the “evil feminist perspective” that is causing wives to be nonsubmissive and that results in the destruction of families.

It is time to examine this claim.

What makes a marriage? What breaks it down? How would women in the workplace have anything to do with the breakdown of the family?

I will examine these more closely in the next posts.


Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com

A Husband’s Greater Requirement

Paul Hegstrom has come to the same conclusion I have. Husbands are required to submit just as much as wives are. In fact, Hegstrom says greater submission is required of husbands, because they are to lay down their lives for their wives.
As Paul Hegstrom puts it on page 115 of Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them,

Scriptural submission is just as great for the husband as it is for the wife. Eph. 5:25-28 reminds us that as Christ died for the Church, a man should give his life for his wife. A childish, abusive man will spiritually abuse his wife by telling her that she has to be subjected to her husband in everything. He does not realize that a husband's mandate is to literally be willing to sacrifice his life for her. Which is the greater submission? The greater submission is for the man.

Hegstrom points out the same things I did in my July 6, 2009 post, “Itching Ears, part 12 (Cut off Prayers of Husbands).” Husbands are to live considerately with their wives, “

...intelligently recognizing the marriage relationship, honoring the woman as physically weaker, recognizing the equality (joint heirs of grace), one in the same mind (united in spirit), sympathizing with his wife, loving his wife, compassionately, courteously, tenderheartedly, humble-mindedly, never returning evil for evil, never returning insult for insult, never scolding, never given to tongue-lashing, never berating, always blessing, praying for his wife’s welfare and happiness, praying for his wife’s protection, truly pitying (empathizing), truly loving.

If a husband will follow this pattern, the family will be blessed as a unit. If a man rebels against these principles, his prayers will be hindered and cut off, and he will not be able to pray effectively (I Pet. 3:7).

From this research in God’s Word, it is the author’s conclusion that the only prayer that God hears from a man who abuses his wife and family is the prayer of repentance. All other requests are hindered or denied because of God’s hatred of violence.

This is serious! God means business! The man who adds to scripture and gives himself authority over his wife and demands submission from her, while at the same time deleting his own submission role, will not have his prayers answered.

So if he prays for safety as he travels, God will not hear. If he prays for blessing on his business, God will deny his request.

This is not feminism. It is scripture.

Hebrews 10:30-31 For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.


Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com

Adding to & Taking From Scripture

Anonymous is right about adding to and taking from scripture.

“You take away and add to scripture, you are aligned with satan and must seek forgivenness, for women are to be submissive to man and man treat women like Christ treats the church, this is why your evil feminist perspective is part of the destruction of the family and you are in great delusion or are a planted wolf, i shake the dust from my feet and rebuke you. May Jesus forgive you.”

However, her/his finger is pointed at the wrong person(s). Those who teach that “head” is referring to a husband’s authority or leader role, are both adding to and taking from scripture, and in doing so, start the process of domestic abuse in many marriages. I Timothy 3:4 says a man who wants to be a bishop must be blameless, “one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity.” Notice the surrounding verses that prohibit the chewing out and beating behavior of abusive men. Also notice that nothing is said about ruling his wife. In fact there is no such command in the New Testament. The command to rule one’s wife is given by the sinful King Ahazuerus, a Gentile, as a way to save face when he commanded Vashti to present herself to his banquet hall of drunken men and she did what was right and refused. And in I Timothy 5:14, according to Strong's Concordance, the KJV directive to wives to "guide the house" actually means they are to rule or be the head of the family. So to say that a husband is to rule his wife is to ADD to scripture.

The command to husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, is the correct definition of “head.” When people skip over this teaching or when they exchange it for another by emphasizing the wife’s submission and de-emphasizing the husband’s loving self-sacrifice, they are TAKING FROM scripture.

The entire Submission Tyranny blog points this out. People can call it feminism if they choose, but that makes the Apostles Paul and Peter into feminists, too, since they are the ones who wrote those scripture passages. And since they were inspired by the Holy Spirit to write those passages, that makes God a feminist, too.

After all, Jesus started the ball rolling in regards to feminism when he spoke to the woman at the well and offered her living water, (the men with him were horrified that he would talk to a woman, and a Samaritan at that!), when he sided with Mary when she washed his feet with her tears and poured expensive perfume on Him, when he told Martha Mary's learning from Him would not be taken from her, when he healed women as well as men although the surrounding culture despised women as mere property, when women were the first to witness the empty tomb. The men in Jesus's culture used, ignored, or treated women with contempt and blame, as they did with the woman who they brought to Jesus claiming they had caught her in the act of committing adultery. Surely she wasn't committing adultery alone! Why didn't they bring the man, too, if the pair was caught in the act? Jesus set the record straight by not heaping blame-for-two on a woman, and by teaching, serving, and respecting women as well as men.

The people who are adding to and taking from scripture are those who set aside the scripture, and replace it with their own male-superior, husband-authority doctrine.


Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com

Scripture Abuse: Evil Feminist

Someone, who calls him/herself "Anonymous" left an example of scripture abuse on my “Hijacked Christianity” post (Feb. 15, 2009). I re-read the post to see what was so threatening. Basically, the post says that biblical manhood is self-sacrificial and that biblical womanhood does not put husband and his demands ahead of God, that doing so is idolatry, or as Jocelyn Andersen calls it, "husbandolatry." Remember that when a husband uses this type of scripture abuse against his wife, it is a form of domestic violence, since in trying to control her, he is demeaning her and violating her. This form of abuse can easily lead to physical violence. Instead of publishing it on the comment form, I chose to publish it in this post.

“You take away and add to scripture, you are aligned with satan and must seek forgivenness, for women are to be submissive to man and man treat women like Christ treats the church, this is why your evil feminist perspective is part of the destruction of the family and you are in great delusion or are a planted wolf, i shake the dust from my feet and rebuke you. May Jesus forgive you.”

I wonder who Anonymous is. His/her comment is fascinating. On the one hand she/he appears to agree with me, except I would say WIVES are to submit to their HUSBANDS and HUSBANDS are to love their WIVES self-sacrificially as Christ loved the Church, instead of referring to them as men and women. On the other hand, the writer says I am aligned with satan and have an “evil feminist perspective.” Considering that I at times quote scripture and at other times misquote it to show how others misinterpret it, the writer’s condemnation is extreme. Reread the post yourself. http://submissiontyranny.blogspot.com/2009/02/hijacked-christianity.html
It is pointing out that Christian teaching about husbands and wives is out of balance, that if we are going to have a doctrine that teaches wives to submit to their husbands no matter what, then we must have a companion doctrine that teaches husbands to love their wives self-sacrificially no matter what. Otherwise, wives are put into bondage and husbands make themselves into gods, which is hijacking Christianity.

Notice the name-calling that the commenter embedded in action phrases: “aligned with satan,” “evil feminist perspective,” your…perspective is part of the destruction of the family,” “you are in great delusion,” “or (you) are a planted wolf,” “I shake the dust from my feet and rebuke you.” All of them are either popular phrases used from the pulpit or by husbands to control wives. All of them either suggest or outright declare damnation for the woman who believes scripture teaches that the biblical command to husbands to love their wives self-sacrificially as Christ loved the church, has at least the same level of submission and surrender required from the husband as is required from his wife, and perhaps more (as some men, like Paul Hegstrom, claim).

The husband in my novel “Behind the Hedge” used such phrases, calling his wife Jezebel, and suggesting she was rebelling, which is as serious as using witchcraft. The aim of the comments like this is to coerce women/wives into giving up their God-given authority in the family structure. Yes, authority. I Timothy 5:14 “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” The Strong’s Concordance says “guide the house” means to be “head of the family.” Unlike Ephesians 5:23, Strong specifies that “head” in the definition of I Tim 5:14 means “rule.” The term comes from another word that means “master of the house” or “goodman of the house.” The word “head” in reference to husbands in Eph 5:23 does NOT mean rule.

In addition, as a previous commenter pointed out, the word “keeper” is referring to “guard” or “guardian,” and is not referring to cleaning and cooking. So when wives are told to be keepers at home, they are told to take an authority position.

Apparently the person who commented above, using condemning scriptural terms and hot-button words to express him/herself, feels threatened when scripture is rightly divided and the result is that wives and women are raised to a place of equality beside men, or men are lowered to a place of equality beside women.


Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com

Itching Ears, Part 18 (The Missing Commandment)

II Timothy 4:3-4 NIV For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

One of the most devastating passages The Church of the Itching Ears uses to keep women in bondage is Genesis 3:16:

Unto the woman he (God) said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Because of their itching ears, they conclude that God is commanding husbands to rule over their wives. When the result of this teaching is domestic violence, we must re-examine our interpretation of scripture. The result of that examination shows that there are major problems with this interpretation.

First, nothing is said in this passage about this ruler behavior being passed on to future generations, yet multitudes of generations later, men still extrapolate from this that because God says this to Eve, that God is saying it to every wife.

Second, they act as if it is a command to the husband. Compare this verse with Genesis 2:16, “And the Lord God COMMANDED the man saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: but of the tree of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.” Notice the clear statement that God commanded these things. For verse 3:16 to be taken as a commandment, it would have to say:

Unto the woman God commanded, saying, Thou shalt make thyself exceedingly sorrowful and thou shalt multiply thy conception; thou shalt make thyself sorrowful when thou bringeth forth children; and thou shalt place all thy desire upon thy husband, and obey him as his slave and let him rule over thee.

But Genesis 3:16 is not a command. It is a prophecy! It is prophesying of the effect of sin on Adam and how that sin will effect Eve. Remember, Romans 5:12-21 states that sin entered the world by one man, Adam. Some would declare that sin came though Adam AND Eve, but scripture says sin came through ADAM. Genesis 1:27 specifies when MAN means both male and female: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” Since there is NO specific spelling out that the word Adam in Romans is referring to both Adam and Eve, and because the text is saying sin and death came to all men by ONE man, and that through ONE man, Jesus, many are made righteous, I have to conclude that sin and death came through Adam, not through Eve. As someone explained, God commanded Adam to not eat of the tree; He did not command Eve. The words Eve spoke to the serpent are likely those Adam passed on to her, and they are not accurate. If Adam indeed passed on to Eve an inaccurate account of God’s command, something about the way he said it would sound “fishy” or ridiculous, which would give Eve reason to lack that absolute conviction of its validity, making her vulnerable to the serpent’s questioning. God knew that, and would not hold Eve accountable for having received sloppy reporting.

Third, there is no command to Adam to rule his wife. Genesis 3:17

And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast harkened unto the voice of the wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying Thou shalt not eat of it; cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of they life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken; for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

The Church of the Itching Ears adds:

“And God commanded Adam, thou shalt rule over thy wife all the days of thy life.”

Or

“A new commandment I give thee: thou shalt rule over thy wife and increase her sorrow.”

God never tells Adam to rule his wife; instead He tells Eve that Adam will rule over her.

Nowhere in the Bible does God tell men to rule their wives. But there are many passages The Church of the Itching Ears uses to try to SAY God is commanding husbands to rule their wives. But actually, the statement is a prophecy of the sinfulness of husbands. As the bride of Christ (and that includes men who follow Christ) purity, sinlessness, and Christlikeness is our goal. Husband authority, power and control over his wife misses the mark and must be rejected both as doctrine and as action.





Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com

Itching Ears, part 17 (The Great Power Conspiracy)

II Timothy 4:3-4 NIV “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”

Many “Christian” husbands live in rebellion against God and as their father, Satan, did before them, they have conspired to overturn God’s rule and authority, and have taken that authority for themselves. They have refused God’s instruction of what a husband is to be and how he is to behave, and have replaced God’s directions with a counterfeit. Adding insult to injury, they have usurped authority over God and imposed upon their WIVES the very commandment God gave to HUSBANDS. Many of them tell their wives that they are in rebellion against God when they do not obey their husband’s commands, but that very statement demonstrates the husband’s own rebellion against God. It also demonstrates his heart of hatred and violence toward his wife, and domestic violence is the outcome.

Ephesians 5:21 says the husband is “the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” and 5:25 tells these husband-heads what behavior and attitude they are to have toward their wives. They are to “love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.”

Christian husbands are to give up themselves for their wives. This is totally opposite to the notion or edict that husbands are to rule their wives, or that wives are to give themselves up for their husbands. Males with itching ears have rewritten biblical teaching, and imposed upon their wives obedience to Satanical husband demands in place of submission, and also imposed upon their wives the loving sacrificial role of “head”—the very commandment that is given to husbands! To these husbands Ephesians 5:25-31 says:

Wives, love your husbands, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought women to love their husbands as their own bodies. She that loveth her husband loveth herself. For no woman ever yet hated her own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a woman leave her father and mother, and shall be joined unto her husband, and they two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love her husband even as herself; and the husband see that he rule his wife.

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Looking at the reversed passage, these “Christian” men expect WIVES to give themselves up for their husbands, to compliment them and build them up, even if they don’t deserve it. Christian wives are expected to nourish and cherish their husbands, and most of them do exactly that. These “Christian” husbands frequently become controlling and abusive and isolate their wives from their parents and siblings. So while the husbands can freely go to their parents at any time, they expect their wives to leave their fathers and mothers and only focus on their husband’s concerns.

It is no wonder the world scorns Christians! Nor is it any wonder the divorce rate in churches is so high. It is high time the church stops trying to treat the symptom—divorce—and starts to treat the cause—male rebellion against God and male conspiracy against women. When husbands submit their hearts to God, and love their wives as Christ loved the church, the divorce rate will drop, marriages, wives, and children will thrive, and churches will grow in both depth and numbers.



Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com

Itching Ears, Part 16 (Husband as Ruler is a Gentile Edict)

II Timothy 4:3-4 NIV “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”

Many Christians think their wife submit teaching is Christian doctrine that was set up by God, Himself. But there is biblical evidence that emphasis on the wife submit teaching, as many Christian churches teach it today, is a Gentile doctrine that is practiced by those who have itching ears. Look at King Ahasuerus and the seven princes of Persia and Media, who were neither Christian nor Jewish. These men thought it was acceptable for them to treat women as things to be used however they wished, including Ahasuerus’s plan to display his wife, Vashti, to a crowd of drunken men. Because the men were afraid all the women of the kingdom would stop obeying their husbands when they heard Vashti did not come at the king’s order, Vashti was banished from being queen, and a royal edict was sent out saying “that every man should bear rule in his own house.” This same edict is practiced in much of the church today. Again, note that it is a GENTILE edict, not a godly one. The result is often domestic violence, which these churches cannot combat without toppling their husband-rule doctrine, which they are loathe to do.

King Ahasuerus and his princes had itching ears according to Esther 1:21. “And the saying (of Memucan) pleased the king and the princes; and the king did according to the word of Memucan.” These men loved what they heard—that every man should bear rule in his own house, and wives who do not obey will be punished.

Many Christian husbands are following both the actions and the edict of King Ahasuerus, a Gentile king, who was definitely NOT a follower of Christ. They are heaping to themselves pastors who will teach that “head” means leader, authority, ruler, priest, or guide, instead of what the Bible says it means. And they are demanding that husbands rule their own wives and that wives submit to (meaning obey) their husbands, even claiming that it is the wife’s noncompliance, rather than the husband’s sin, that causes domestic violence.



Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com