Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What God Authorizes Husbands to do

Whether one claims to be complementarian, egalitarian, or any other arian, the rules God, our authority, has given are the same. What behavior does God authorize for a husband?

1. As part of the body of Christ, a husband is to submit to his wife, Ephesians 5:21, I Peter 5:5.

2. A husband is to love his wife as he loves and cares for his own body. He is to sacrifice for her, doing what it takes to benefit her—even at the expense of NOT getting what he wants. Ephesians 5: 25-31

3. A husband is to esteem his wife as better than himself, Phil 2:3

4. A husband is to treat his wife as he would want to be treated if he were her. Matt. 7:12

5. A husband is to demonstrate God’s agape love to his wife I Cor 13.

6. A husband is to guard his tongue. James 3

7. A husband is to honor his wife so his prayers won’t be hindered, I Peter 3:7

8. A husband is to have the fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, and this is to show up in all his dealings with his wife, not just at church.

There are likely more, but this is sufficient.

With a commandment list like this, why would any husband prefer to be a complementarian? If he is a complementarian and he has the job of making that final decision, this list requires him to make the decision his wife wants.

God did not give him an exception clause. He is always to honor, love, submit to and sacrifice for his wife, all the while esteeming her better than himself. This is the commandment of God, not of the egalitarians.

It seems to me the egalitarians are easier on the husbands. Egalitarians teach that husbands and wives are to divide responsibilities based on gifting, not on pre-fabricated roles that may have both spouses struggling to pretend to be what they are not. They also teach couples to come up with solutions both spouses feel good and at peace about. That means neither of them make a final decision that hurts their spouse, and that both seek to find a solution that pleases them, yet pleases their spouse as well.

Life in egalitarian families is win-win, while life in complementarian households frequently has one spouse being the loser while the other gets things his or her way depending on whether the husband obeys the command to sacrifice for his wife, or whether he indulges in sinful self-pleasing.

Again, if complementarian husbands truly live in obedience to God’s word and authority, they will always sacrifice their own wishes, desires, needs in order to serve their wives.

But even with the complementarian rules, which give a husband authority over his wife, a husband has the authority to set up a relationship where neither spouse overrides the will or preferences of the other. The husband can use the authority he believes God has given to him to live by the Golden Rule, to honor his wife, to esteem her better than himself, to lay down his wishes in favor of his wife's, and to use disagreements as a means to learn to know one another better as they search for solutions each spouse will actually like. But when he does that, it is important that he tell her that he considers her his equal, not just for salvation and in the eyes of God, but in his eyes, too. Only then will she be free to totally be herself, to fully entrust herself to her husband, and to be all God has made her and called her to be.

Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel" See A Mennonite woman fights to save her family yet keep her faith.


  1. Waneta,

    Honor thy Father and thy Mother, the First of the Ten Commandments that have to do with Love thy neighbor as thyself.

    Authority--both have authority, the complimentarian- If there was or is such thing--would have to include the Authority of both mother-father, that is all over Nature, all over the physics/elements, all over the space [Mars/Venus, the gases they put out and that for us humans to live we have to have both on the earth] therefore BOTH HAVE TO HAVE POWER AND AUTHORITY OVER THEIR OWN 'SPHERES'.

    That would be true Complimentarianism--the two Power forces, compliment each other--Father and Mother,

    then both are under again, all of nature, space, time, one huge force--and all are interdependent on one another--

    the notion of the male power over all power and then calling that 'complimentarian' is a LIE, it's not even PHYSICS, it simply does not work in the mathematical-physic operations of things in nature--that we all depend on that God Him/Herself created.

    So the whole idea of male authority over all is an Oxymoron if there ever was one--that would mean that the Male has also the Power and Authority over childbirth, menstrual [which IS connected to the planet forces/moon cycles, etc] and that the Male has power over all nurture not just Injecting sperm-life but over the life nurture that Without that life dies so then for their 'notion' of comp to be TRUE then that male would have to be the Placenta and the Water/Bag and the Hormones and the Cervix and the Breast Milk.

    Seriously--the Female power/part of God was erased from scripture, though it's in there IF you look for them--the men did All in their power to Erase the SHE part of God and to put a Misogynist God depiction--If one takes the Word literal with the dark sentences and the 'letter kills' rather than the 'spirit gives LIFE',

    so, I think, the root of the LIE that needs to be deconstructed and exposed, demystified is the term Complimentarian and the Power that would Have to be Autonomous over Realms on BOTH sides for it to be Truly Complimentarian,

    Honor thy father and thy mother, not

    honor thy father and mother [as one], but Honor thy Father AND 'THY Mother, therefore implying TWO POWER FORCES,



  2. "Again, if complementarian husbands truly live in obedience to God’s word and authority, they will always sacrifice their own wishes, desires, needs in order to serve their wives."

    this Waneta is where we are losing the battle, OK, it's actually the tactics of the enemy through the 'goddess' beliefs, let me explain--goddess such as Artemis [the symbolism, it's the CounterRevolution against an power imbalance that is actually the same coin of the whole Power dynamic that works to fuel the whole power dichotomy--therefore the power lords maintain their power to abuse, it keeps US, women in the defensive rather than the Offensive, autonomous over our own Power Sphere.]

    The he must sacrifice to our wishes, etc...while I see where the whole mutual submission goes--what Happens is that it's a SEE SAW, like on a playground, a tit for tat, and under a long time power scale imbalance it won't work because the heavier scale will always pull--the Only way it would work is if you got tons of weights [females] on the one side to be heavier than the one power male who has dominated for long time--envision a see saw--

    so the whole egal thing don't work either because it's still PLAYING BY THEIR RULES--like pawns in a chess game [which is what the kings/queens want--after all, female pawns are disposable]

    the Key is to empower women to regain Their power over their OWN DOMAIN, why these men Hate women only spaces, why they Hate women-female solidarity, why they Hate female empowerment--in all her forms,

    so if they can lure us into the whole begging or pleading the benovolant master into yielding to us, that Mainstains their power position--see what I am saying,

    Venus and Mars are on Opposite sides of the earth, the gases, ok, both which are needed, Venus is not asking Mars to yield or submit nor is Mars asking Venus to yield or submit--they Both, in submission to the overall forces of space physics [I'm strictly referring to physics here, the gases on the planets and NOT the whole goddess thing] and Venus, works to form/release her gases, to earth--the middle, Mars does the same--now if Mars oversteps his boundaries onto Venus then the whole physics would be off balance and Earth would be destroyed--as would Both Venus and Mars--the gases are the opposite--

    the Key is, Venus is not working to get Mars to yield to her but Venus is empowered herself over her own realm and work--and doesn't even heed the work of Mars because they are too opposite and this while the Comps [male power mongers] have said is non-unity, the LIE, it actually isn't,

    female autonomy and empowerment IS actually unity, so the Answer is that the men, rather than submit, GET THEIR HANDS OFF OF WOMEN'S DOMAIN AND SPACE AND AUTONOMY because they are HINDERING GOD'S ULTIMATE SPHERE OF CONTROL--why Paul says, their prayers will be Hindered.


    and when Christian women really Get that--THEN, then there is the room then to work towards agreement in the middle, earth as middle, the just scales.



  3. Exactly Waneta, any man who is a true "servant leader" i.e. truly following the words and example of Jesus, would never call himself a comp. He would truly BE a servant, esteeming others as more worthy of honor than himself, not lording it over others, but being an example to everyone of true humility and devotion.

    So, there can be no true comp "servant leaders" because they assume for themselves a position of lordship over women and children. By their lives they prove "servant leader" is an oxymoron.

    They can be a "servant example" is they want though! Such men are always recognizable by the sizable following they have and the great respect their followers have for them. =)