The teaching of husband authority encourages husbands to abuse their wives verbally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, and any other way. When boys are taught that they will have authority in their homes, and they see the authority that 25% to 50% of the men in their group wield, they look forward to the time when they are no longer controlled by their parents, but they can make the rules they want for themselves. When again and again they hear women being told to submit joyfully to their husbands, to subject themselves and set aside their wishes in order to serve their husbands, but do not hear the same weight of loving, yielding, and sacrificing taught to men, they arrive at their weddings expecting their wives to be their servants who will give them whatever the husbands want. When this expectation is in place, and the only teaching against this is to not hit one's wife, and wives are both blamed for being abused (Bruce Ware), and told to endure the abuse for a season (John Piper), the young men begin their marriages believing all other means of manipulation, domination, power and control of their wives are legal and biblical. Thus many of them begin their marriages throwing their weight around, doing whatever it takes short of hitting their wives to get what they want. They gripe and complain and put their wives down, which is non-physical assault. They mistakenly think when they choke their wives, shove them against the wall and pin them there, kick them, block them, elbow them, rape them, etc, that these are not physical violence or a crime. It is a very tiny step between these methods of abuse and hitting or beating one's wife. Since those who violate their wives both intensify the violence and speed up how suddenly and swiftly they assault their wives, and also grow in disrespect for their wives, they have less and less time to reconsider and stop the thinking that is causing them to attack their wives, as well as less and less motivation to stop themselves from the pleasure they receive when they rip her to shreds, whether verbally/emotionally, physically, spiritually, or both.
When so-called Christian doctrine ignores the actual biblical commands to husbands to sacrifice for and love their wives, which is a form of submission, and instead focus on controlling their wives, they are allowing the leaven of sin into their lives. That sin grows like leaven in the individual and he has no idea it is his belief and not the frustration of the moment or any action of his wife that caused him to assault her.
The sin also grows in the church body. Unless checked with jail time and other deterents, more and more males pick up the thought pattern and belief system that leads men to assault their wives, either physically or non-physically. It is this sin of lording it over, of disregarding the commandments of the Lord—both things the Gentiles do—that causes the downfall of the church.
"Sin will take you further than you want to go..."
Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge," a novel about a wife who discovers traditional marriage advice doesn't always work. See www.wanetadawn.com
Chronically Self-Centered Spouse Series - Nope, I'm not doing this series. Nope, Visionary Womanhood is not doing this series. But I do thank Natalie for linking to it over there a couple years back...
4 months ago