Thursday, March 24, 2011

Husband, father, shepherd--Wife, Nanny, Stupid Sheep

The Photo on the front of the March 2011 American Family Association Journal at first glance looks like a warm and loving husband and father who has his arms around his family. Upon closer study, though, something looks dreadfully wrong. The wife is standing there like a dutiful daughter; passive, obedient, and without parental authority herself.

I begin to wonder what her life is like. Does her husband override her authority when she tells her sons to pick up their things and put them away? Does she have any authority at all when she home schools them? Is her situation like that of an elder daughter—carrying heavy responsibility, but denied the authority to make sure her charges respect her?

And where does shepherd come in? Is her husband her pastor or priest? And she's expected to sleep with him?? If he's her shepherd, she's his fleeced ewe. So his relationship toward his wife is that he has all authority, he is her employer, her parent, and as her pastor/priest he has the right to speak for God, making any demands of her that he chooses--as long as he says God says so--which makes her a stupid sheep.

The stories of several women come to mind. Their husbands insisted on their right to undermine and over-ride what their wives asked of the children, and wanted for their homes. Their homes were chaotic as a result. Father was the all-powerful one. As soon as the wives found a way to be effective in spite of their husbands, the husbands would look for another way to undermine the wives. This picture looks like that. All powerful husband. Obedient daughter-wife, obedient sons. But since they are sons who will one day be the authority figures, they are not curbed as completely as their mother is, nor as any sisters would be.

Why doesn't the wife in the picture have her arm around the boys? Is it some lack in her? Do the boys allow Dad to hug them, but not Mom? Notice that they have their arms around each other. For a picture like this, wouldn't Mom automatically put her arms around her family, too? I'm guessing she would, but she's not allowed to. This agrees with complementarian teaching: wives are to receive and respond, not initiate or share authority with their husbands. Indeed, in this photo it looks like the sons have more authority than their mother does!

The picture should show both Mom and Dad as the adult parents with their arms around one another and around their children. Ephesians 6:1 says “Children obey your parents” not “children obey your fathers.” The Bible says wives and husbands, male and female are equal. Wives are not to be the obedient daughters of their husbands, nor are they to serve as child-like prostitutes. Nor are they the nannies, hired hands, or any other designation that requires them to hold less power and authority than their husbands do. I Timothy 5:14 when translated correctly, says wives are to be the heads of, rulers of their households.

Ephesians 5:21 tells everyone who is a part of Christ's bride to submit to one another. There is no exception clause for husbands. Nor is there an especially clause for wives.

Yet complementarians read Ephesians 5:21-22 as if it says “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God, especially wives to your own husbands. For the husband has authority over the wife, even as Christ has authority over the church.”

Because of this emphasis, they totally miss the deep message in those verses to husbands. Until they accept that Ephesians 5:21 is not a 90% to 10% with wives doing the majority of the submitting, nor a 80-20, 70-30, or 60-40 submission, they will never comprehend the depth of love and sacrifice taught to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-29. It is when husbands practice that total love and sacrifice for their wives, that Christ's love and sacrifice for humans is experienced and understood on a profoundly deep level. When the church "gets" the preciousness of what Christ did for his Bride, and what He continues to do for his Bride, the church becomes an effective living and loving testimony to the world.

But when husbands claim to have a God-decreed right to boss and take authority over their wives, the church loses her testimony, the prayers of husbands are hindered, the world is turned off to the message of Christ, and Christianity becomes as disdained as radical Islam.

Even if a husband puts on a show of love, as long as he sees himself as superior to his wife, as having more authority and/or importance than she does, his love is not the real thing. It is but a sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal. A person with real love does not vaunt himself nor puff himself up, nor does he claim he believes husbands and wives are equal, when he practices his authority and demands that she obey him. Indeed, the first item in the Philippians 4:8 list is truth. Until authority-hungry husbands acknowledge the truth, that they think male is superior to female, husband is superior to wife, the fulness of the gospel message will never reach their hearts.

When they acknowledge the truth and accept the role of love and sacrifice that God has commanded to them, then they will no longer think of their wives as Nanny, subject, and Ewe to fleece, but will instead think of their wives as loving companions, confidantes, advisors, best friends, and co-rulers over their households.

Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel" See A Mennonite woman fights to save her family yet keep her faith.


  1. Waneta I don't normally look on Christian anything anymore, as I believe 80% of it in America is Luciferian Masonry [occult and it's been said by many that Graham has strong ties into the Illuminati-occult, masons, I believe it] but anyhow,

    I read through this today, because Jesus led me to, you know I'm married to a very abusive ass, but he's not a believer, so I have to deal with so much of what you speak here, he undermines my relationship with MY bio daughters who are NOT his bio daughters all the time and it's caused damage to both my daughters, he spoils/enables and is NOT a father to our son, I have no choice but to separate and leave,

    money wise however, I can't, but I have separated and though in same house, I do not submit to him, be civil yes, submit, no way, but I don't look for battles either. So Jesus and I have been going over a lot because of this--not something I talk about much,

    but when I saw this, I looked at the photo, the first thing, it gave me the creeps. IT is nothing more than a BDSM relationship, she looks like a sheep child alright, and it's really scary, but what Really tipped me off, is this, in the article:

    "" AFAJ: How does a husband move his wife into a deeper relationship with God?""

    THAT, is downright creepy, unscriptural as Ever, and Luciferian in my strong opinion. It would be One thing if it said, how does a husband set an example for his wife, to glorify Christ,

    this is a whole other ballgame they are talking here and this is about MIND CONTROL, which is what yes the bdsm cults are All about. Creating mind slaves,

    and it's IN the churches. This is full blown occultism that is Very Dangerous,

    what happened to the Holy Spirit? These men have taken the role of the Holy Spirit, and I don't recall Seeing this type of thing back in the early 80s when I WAS involved in the church,

    the language has surely changed, a Lot, which is why I am going to go ahead and say I yes think this is Occult influences working...I think, it's related to the preparation to get people to worship the Beast.

    I'm convinced of it. Or rather, this is MY strong opinion...just a strong feeling, sense, from what I read in Word and what I see reading here and there...

    I also think, this may be why Jesus warned, about the ten virgins, five foolish, five is Foolish, for women to rely on husbands, as the mediator, between them and God.

    I just hope, many listen and ignore the false teachings of yes, these false prophets of Babylon because I do believe most of them Are yes False. There is just Something about so much of this, that just doesn't sit right...


  2. Jane,
    Your strong language has given me food for thought. Luciferian? Occult? Some would think they are just as saved as egalitarians are, they just teach a different doctrine. One woman says it is not essential doctrine, therefore we are to allow liberty in whatever is not essential to salvation.

    But I see this as essential to salvation. Wives are looking to husbands to be their holy spirit, and husbands are taking God's place, requiring wives to do what husbands say instead of what God says. They are claiming that husband authority and wife obedience are the number 1 doctrines, and it seems the the doctrine is not even secondary to salvation. (they call it submission, but when a preacher says "wives submit to your husbands whether you agree with them or not" they are clearly talking about obedience.)

    I looked up occult in the dictionary: "Not disclosed; kept secret; communicated only to the initiated; beyond the bounds of ordinary or natural knowledge..." The husband authority folks claim God only talks to husbands, He doesn't talk to wives or reveal things to them.

    2nd meaning: "To hide; shut off, as an object, from view, by interposing something between the object and the eye..." Wow! that is exactly what that crowd is doing to women! Keeping husbands between her and God. They claim wives do have access to God, but not for any type of guidance beyond "obey your husband."

    Jane, I agree with you. It IS occultic, and it is of the devil, Satan, Lucifer. It is man trying to be like God, which is exactly what Satan did.

    You mention men as the mediator between women and God. Comps would deny this, yet they DO only allow wives only partial access/obedience to God. They teach that obedience to husband supercedes obedience to God--as long as we are talking about Holy Spirit leading, that is. When hubby's demands are CLEARLY contrary to the written word, they tell wives not to do it. But when wives are taught a mindless obedience, like was obvious on that picture, how are they to notice when hubby is unscriptural? They are told over and over again to ignore the inner promptings of the Holy Spirit and obey husband, instead. It is indeed very dangerous!

    I can see how it would prepare wives to worship the beast, but I'm not sure how it would prepare husbands for such worship. Husband authority doctrine teaches husbands that they are god, and to expect privilege. Are you saying because they are not tuned into God Almighty, and because they are accustomed to believing that every whim of theirs is the prompting of the Holy Spirit, it would be easy for husbands to be deceived by the Beast?

    Jane, I know from experience the damage an undermining dad can do to his children. My daughter and I are still dealing with it 8 years after we both got free of him. If there is any way to get them out of that situation, (as long as he won't try to get primary physical care) it would likely be better for them to see less of dad, and for you to deal with less of his undermining. If you are interested, I'd like to send you work-at-home info. I know of a legitimate source of income that 2 of my friends are doing, and that I am in the process of signing up to do. If you are interested, contact me directly via my website contact page @