An Alternative Way to Stop Domestic Abuse

Just suppose Piper, Grudem, Patterson, Ware and the rest of the Christians for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) are right and their way is actually the BEST way to stop domestic abuse? What if teaching husbands to take authority over their wives, and teaching wives to yield to that authority no matter what would actually stop abuse sooner than the world’s system of telling men they have no right to rule their wives/partners? The CBMW may be on to something.

Let’s follow it through. Husband commands and wife submits. Husband increases his commands and wife submits even more. Husband humiliates his wife and she bows her head in subjection to him. But in private, she cries out to God in sorrow and pain. As her husband’s demands keep increasing and the increases come closer and closer together, the wife reaches a point of desperation.

She goes to her pastor, who tells her if she would submit more, she would not be suffering such pain and anguish. He explains that it is her spirit of rebellion that is causing her distress.

She goes home and submits even more and suffers in silence for another year or two, during which time he begins to do physical abuses like pushing her, blocking her, and putting her in a headlock, but she does not realize these are physical abuse. She thinks domestic violence is limited to hitting and killing.

Gradually, she begins to realize that her husband is mistreating her and demanding more no matter what she does. She starts looking for books that describe her marriage, and before long finds that the books on domestic violence illustrate quite closely what is happening in her home. She begins reading all the information she can get her hands on and finds that her perception is correct. She is not at fault. Her submission does NOT motivate him to love her, but instead results in him demanding even more.

She secretly begins to prepare to leave her husband AND her church, and to take her children with her. But even while she does that, she still looks for a way to mend her marriage. She asks her husband to go with her to counseling. He refuses. Then she reads that going to counseling if your spouse is abusive is a very dangerous thing to do, and she is glad he refused.

She finds a friend who understands what she is experiencing, and/or finds support through the domestic violence hotline.

Her husband is getting more demanding; she knows she must leave soon, but she doesn’t have all her things in order yet. She has difficulty saving enough money and keeping it hidden. She and their children are continually reeling with the newest emotional and spiritual assault from her authority-crazed husband.

One day the attack is so bad, she knows she must leave that night. She sneaks out with the children while he is asleep, and goes to the women’s shelter. She finds a caring church that offers emotional support—and seems very liberal to her and her children.

But that does not stop the abuse. As soon as she finds a place of her own, her husband continues to abuse her in court and with every phone call and every exchange of the children. He keeps telling her that SHE is responsible for the breakup of their marriage, and that God will hold her accountable. When that doesn’t motivate her to return to him, he tries other tactics.

When the court tells him how much child support he must pay, he kills her and their children.

That stops the abuse.

And the CBMW got their successful marriage. The couple stayed married as long as they both lived. The husband as the authority got what he worked so hard for—a wife who backed away from him and finally left. And the wife did the ultimate submission—she left her home in submission to her husband’s driving her away, and then died in submission to him as well.

What a wonderful Christian testimony! What great symbolism of Christ and the church!


Waneta Dawn is the author of "Behind the Hedge, A novel,"a story about a woman who grapples with her husband's demands that she submit--no matter what. Please visit www.wanetadawn.com